


When the Halo Breaks

by matan4il



Series: When the Halo Breaks [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, Emo Buck, High School, M/M, Prompt Fill, homophobic slur, jock Eddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24703138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matan4il/pseuds/matan4il
Summary: Buck's overjoyed again at the way fate works. He never would have thought that among his parents' many moves, it would be the one to a small suburb of El Paso that would end up making him the happiest.Prompt fill for May, who requested a high school AU. I hope it's okay that I made Eddie a jock and Buck an emo kid, but come on, that Mindgamers look for Oliver never left me a choice... ;)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: When the Halo Breaks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916857
Comments: 52
Kudos: 260





	When the Halo Breaks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blueboxtardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueboxtardis/gifts).



> I did not know that I had a birthday twin, so imagine my surprise to discover one in May! Sorry this is a belated gift, but I hope that you had the happiest of birthdays, sweetheart! And that every day brings you lots of joy like I've seen you do for many others in the fandom! xoxox
> 
> Big thank you to the kind [Lana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DLanaDHZ/pseuds/DLanaDHZ) for the beta reading, you’re a star!

"Fucking pervert," the football jock spits it out right before he actually follows it with some of his saliva that lands at Buck's feet. The jerk is built and he damn well should be, what with all of the endless training that these neanderthals passing for highschoolers do. He's all muscle, while Buck is just another emo weirdo, walking around school grounds in black clothes that blur his frame and in dramatic black eyeliner that distracts from the muscles he's in fact hiding underneath his outfits. ‘Rookie mistake, jockster,' Buck thinks with delight while he's stretching up to his full height, walking right up to that asshole and at the same time, pulling up his sleeves to show off his biceps. Yeah, Buck works out as well, he just has the decency and enough brains not to flaunt it. 

Ignorant Jock Guy isn't a complete moron, going by the fact that he has the good sense to look a bit more intimidated now, but not enough. "You don't scare me," he insists, "I know what your type is really like."

"Really?" Buck asks, inhaling deeply in order to puff out his chest and push it up against the guy, so he can have a better idea of what's in store for him. "And what's that?"

"You're all fucking sissies," the jock replies and that's enough for Buck's prepared fist to fly at the guy's face, so quick that it seems like it's coming out of nowhere, connecting with a satisfyingly crunchy noise before the asshole has any chance of doing anything about it.

"What the hell..." Buck hears from his right just as an arm comes out of nowhere to rein him in. It's wrapped in another football letterman jacket and he can feel how he's being drawn back, pressed to the jock who's pulling him away from the jerk. Eddie Diaz, Buck could tell that's the guy pulling him away going by the voice alone, before he forgets himself for a second and just responds, his body suddenly going pliant in the senior quarterback's arms. "Whatever's going on here, break it off," Diaz demands, while one of his other jock friends follows the signals that he's giving with his head to get their teammate up from the dirt and away from the scene. "Emil," the quarterback continues, "I thought Coach was very clear about you not getting into more fist fights with any of the students."

Emil the Jerk grumbles something under his breath, but the guy who's holding him is taking his cue from Diaz's dismissive gesture and drags him away.

"Look, whatever he did," the quarterback turns to Buck, having loosened his grip a little, "I promise you that he'll be sorry for it, alright? Don't pursue it, I'm pretty sure whatever Emil was being an ass about, it isn't worth it."

Buck rubs his hand across his jaw, because that's his best option when so many curious eyes are on him and he can't run his hand over where Diaz is still loosely restraining him or where their bodies are sharing heat. It may hurt Buck's emo cred, but it's not like he can help it. This is Eddie Diaz, the gorgeous quarterback that everyone at school admires, wants to date or, more often than would be admitted, both. 

"Whatever," he blurts out, pushes himself out of Diaz's hold and walks away, most definitely thinking about the way their bodies were unintentionally caught up in this intense friction against each other. Alright, he might have gotten more turned on than is smart for a public high school fist fight, but fuck it. He's seventeen, he's allowed to be horny.

* * *

Buck's wandering around the empty football field, a snagged bottle of beer in his hand, because if there is something his dad is good for, it's a constant supply of alcohol and a not so watchful eye. He's looking for a spot on the benches where he can comfortably sit down and consume his drink quietly in what is his own private version of rebellious teenage angst. Maybe not the most original ever, he'll admit as much to himself, but definitely more than this small El Paso high school has seen, at least based on what he's witnessed since his family has moved here.

"Fancy meeting you here," a voice comes from behind him and yep, that's Diaz again.

"You're so hooked on football, you had to come out here even in the middle of the night?" he fires right back.

"No, you idiot, I figured this is where I'd find you after that little stunt you pulled with Emil today. You're not making being your secret boyfriend so easy, you know," and those same arms from earlier in the day come up and wrap around Buck, warm him up against the cold of the night. He sighs, because he doesn't want to stop sulking so abruptly, but damn if this doesn't work every time to calm him down.

"I thought you figured out that he was being a jerk," Buck still insists, even as he melts into the embrace and raises his own arms to return it.

"I did and that's why I told you, he's not worth it. I was actually surprised at you. What, was he insulting your style?" Eddie snorts, "I thought you've heard those things ten thousand times already. You're never out of balance because of imbeciles like him."

Buck grinds his teeth together for a second, then he decides it doesn't make sense not to share. "He was insulting you. I was just mocking him and waiting for that douchebag to take the bait and insult me back, so I could punch him without anyone figuring out why."

"You were defending my honor?" Eddie's eyebrow quirks up and God, for a jock, he really is too damn adorable, while still being hella sexy as well. It's not Buck's fault that he crossed enemy lines and fell for a football player. He'd dare anyone to look into Eddie's eyes when they're pools of warm affection, like they are right now, and not do the same. "You really are the sweetest secret boyfriend," he says and plants a quick peck against Buck's lips. "And even if it wasn't about that, for the record, I still think your style is fucking hot." 

Buck smiles, because seriously, what other choice does he have? He bops Eddie's nose with his own and follows up on the peck, slower and more sensual this time. In the cold air of night, the kiss melts between them and everything inside him hums with content. 

Buck's overjoyed again at the way fate works. He never would have thought that among his parents' many moves, it would be the one to a small suburb of El Paso that would end up making him the happiest. Especially since it was mostly down to this jockhead, who by all high school laws, well... they were supposed to have nothing in common and shouldn't have even been on speaking terms. After all, it could have been easily Eddie that Buck might have had today's altercation with. Jocks were one breed of humans, perceived by most in little towns as a superior one, while the more eccentric kids, like the ones dressed up in all black emo clothes, lived in a separate universe. Those two distinct worlds only ever met on occasion and almost always, with a clash.

So it's basically dumb luck that the two of them found each other. There was this one afternoon that the school was dedicating to meetings with professionals from all sorts of fields. It was a special program their high school was particularly proud of, meant to help those who wouldn't continue to a college figure out their preferred vocation, or for those who would but were unsure of which university to choose when they had no clear idea of what future career they were interested in.

There was a big announcement made that afternoon about which professionals were waiting to speak to students in which classroom and Buck immediately locked his attention on class 221B, where the firefighters were. He was the first one to arrive there. Students in their school liked the program for giving them an afternoon off from their regular studies, but weren't always that enthusiastic, or even when some were, they didn't want to give that impression. Stupid high school posing. Buck didn't give a damn, though. He was excited at the prospect of learning more on how he might be able to make one of his childhood dreams come true. He'd been entertaining that thought more recently, so when he heard firefighters would be coming to their school, it seemed perfect. 

The second to enter the classroom was Diaz, in his football letterman jacket, of course. Stupid and clumsy piece of clothing, if you were to ask Buck, which of course no one did. The way it worked, most kids in their school took one look at his outfits and stayed the hell away from him. Which he was fine with, maybe was even hoping for and it was definitely what he expected from the quarterback, too. Only this Diaz guy, for whatever insane reason, came over and started talking to him.

"Hey, you're here for the firefighting talk?" he asked.

Buck didn't roll his eyes... overtly. "Oh, is this the classroom for that? Shit, I thought this was for the petty criminals meeting. Must be in the wrong place," he said and his sarcastic tone made his disdain clear.

"Okay, I didn't think you'd be interested in this, so shoot me. But if you were in my place, wouldn't you be surprised as well?"

And alright, maybe he had to give him that one. At least the guy appeared to have more than one brain cell inside his constantly bashed skull, however long that may last with all the concussions he probably suffers from. Nope, Buck did not have the typical small town's reverie for this stupid game, which for the record, didn't even justify its name, seeing how the feet and the ball never actually connected, unless something went horribly wrong. "Yeah, sure," he said drily. "I keep forgetting only football players get to be heroes."

Diaz snorted and took a seat by him, which was a distinct contrast to the backing up he should have been doing. "My dad wanted me to play football. Typical first generation in the country, you know? If it smells American, we all have to wear the cologne, whether we like it or not."

"Oh. You don't like playing?"

He shrugged. "It's not exactly bad, I'm just... it's not really something I'm passionate about, either. I do like the team spirit, though. I heard that's something you can also have as a firefighter, on top of helping people. Is that what brought you here?"

And fuck, the school quarterback was honestly interested in Buck? Like, was for real asking him questions and wanting to hear the answers? It seemed dubious, but Eddie's eyes were big and honestly inquisitive, so what the hell. Buck knew it might prove to be a mistake later, but he answered him honestly anyway. And even though only three other students joined them and there were plenty of spots to choose from, Eddie remained by his side throughout the meeting. When they all dispersed at the end, thanking the firefighter who talked to them, he even hung back and asked Buck if he ever wanted to catch a movie together. Which spiraled into a discussion about their favorite movies and how Eddie was into action, comedies or occasionally, action comedies while Buck favored not going to the cinema at all and instead staying at home and watching an old classic on TV with his big sister. It came across like they were really different, which should have put an end to this, whatever this was, only their chatter was flowing out easily and naturally, while all their difference did was to have them enthusiastically offer to educate the other one on what they were missing.

It became their thing, movies on a school night, when the rest of the students wouldn't be going out. Buck's parents didn't really care. Maddie tried to stop him, but when she saw he was coming back from these evenings out happy, she backed off. Eddie's dad minded, but as long as he was the quarterback star, he got a pass. He didn't say it quite like that, but Buck got the feeling he would have preferred to get his father's approval for who he really was rather than be granted some leniency based on a role he played well enough, but he was willing to settle for the more realistic option.

For someone so practical, Eddie was absolutely ridiculous in his pursuit of their friendship when that went against all high school conventions and self preservation. But he was pretty good at knowing what he wanted, even when he didn't go for it. And during those times he did pursue it, he was nothing less than unbreakable in his determination, like whenever Buck showed any signs of hesitation. It was as if Eddie was confident enough that this would be good for them that he was able to see them both through.

Buck doesn't remember exactly which film it was, even though that night, he was the one who got to choose an older classic for them to watch at the movies. He does very much recall the way he was sitting. Eddie was to his left and Buck had his leg draped over the armrest to his right, but then his usual restless self ended up putting it down, pulling his left one up onto the theater seat, holding it in place with his arms locked around his bended knee while now dangling his right leg back and forth through the air. Eddie chuckled softly at this and the part of Buck that was used to being always on guard at school wanted to bite a sarcastic comment at him, but instead he found himself grinning. Because somehow, making Eddie laugh soothed over some of his own wounds. 

"Jealous?" he wiggled his eyebrow humorously, "Wanna do the same?"

Eddie put his hand over the spot where Buck's fingers were interlaced beneath his own knee. "Wanna hold your hand. If that's okay with you."

And yeah, man. Of course it was. Buck couldn't admit it to himself, other than recognizing how hot Eddie was, even in his stupid athelete jacket, but there was nothing that was more right than this. So he put his leg down as he let Eddie's hand slip into his own, their interlaced fingers resting on Buck's thigh and their smiles at each other were silent, maybe a bit goofy, but also completely at peace. That was that. Beginning of the secret boyfriends.

Nothing much had changed in how they'd spend their time together after that. Movies nights on weekdays, here and there a few too many hours on the dark, empty football field, sitting together on the bleachers, holding hands or making out behind them. Well, until that one time Eddie's parents left to visit his aunt in Los Angeles, leaving their oldest daughter in charge. Big mistake, since she was wrapped up in her boyfriend enough that Buck could be snuck in unnoticed and got to spend a couple of nights in Eddie's room.

Sex was awkward at first, neither of them had done a lot more than jerk themselves off, but it was nice to be like that together and figure out jointly what worked for them and what didn't. Like when Buck first hesitantly tried to lick along Eddie's dick and was rewarded with the most beautiful debauched sounds ever. Or how slowly they had to take penetration (thank fuck for porn they weren't supposed to have access to and a stolen can of vaseline) until Buck could enjoy the feeling of Eddie not only between his legs, but also inside him. Every exchanged kiss during moments of pause and waiting made it right, even when things weren't quite there yet, until they finally were. Until there were things that both of them couldn't wait to do again or expand on.

It wasn't as easy, finding ways to be together like that once Eddie's parents came back, but they were young, horny and in love. That's right, in love. Buck was certain of it after the first time they fell asleep and woke up in each other's arms, entangled together and absolutely comfortable that way. So they found their little resourceful ways into the other guy's room at night.

Buck pulls away from their kiss on the benches, feeling hot despite the cold around them. "Wait, the sweetest secret boyfriend? Just how many have you had that you can compare?" He teases. He's well aware that they're each other's first, not only in terms of sex. For both of them, it's also their first serious relationship, as well as their first real kiss. He holds that knowledge close to his chest during the school days when he can only watch from afar and can't say too much to Eddie when all the wrong people are around, nor even stand too close.

Eddie snorts. "Shut up. I don't need any others to appreciate you." And okay, yes. Buck can believe that, because hard same. They can't do much more than hug and kiss right now, but after the day he's had, that's more than enough.

* * *

The next day at school, Eddie is different. Buck's alarm goes off immediately. He knows his boyfriend too well and can easily distinguish between slight concern and something being horribly wrong. This is the latter, but they're still on school grounds, so he searches for an opportunity and the first one that he gets, when Eddie enters the bathrooms, he follows him in and drags his boyfriend into one of the stalls.

"What the hell...?"

"I'm sorry," Buck shot out right away, "but I had to ask you what's up and if I can help."

Eddie grimaces. The dark cloud that's been hanging over him grows darker still, the sound of the thunder it's bringing is almost audible. "I was gonna tell you, but... this is probably a really bad time for it."

"Eddie, please. If this is something I can help you with..."

Buck had never in his life seen a crooked smile as bitter as the one that twists his boyfriend's lips at that. "You've done enough," he says quietly. "Your little fight with Emil? The motherfucker decided to go to my dad and tell him I'm a fag."

"What? He doesn't..."

"No, he doesn't know shit. He was just mouthing off. But he didn't need to. What he said got my dad to follow me yesterday when I went to find you. He saw us. He waited for me when I got back home and told me no son of his is gonna be ‘like that'. He said that real men aren't and that that's what I gotta do, I have to man up."

"Eddie, he can't..."

"What, dictate my life? You haven't been paying attention, Buck. Now he's got his mind set on me going to the army once I graduate, because that's a place that can turn you into a real man."

"But..." Every additional sentence out of Eddie's mouth is sending Buck into further panic with the horrified shock of how abruptly disaster strikes.

"No, don't you get it? This is over. We don't have a choice," Eddie sounds just as miserable as Buck is, but the conviction in his voice is unshakeable and devastating. He looks at Buck one last time, maybe telling them both that this is the last time they're going to be this physically close to each other, before he leaves the stall. Buck leans back on the plastic wall behind him, because nothing else is holding him up.

He waits. As if waiting is going to change or fix anything, he waits for days. What else can he do? Eddie's dad would keep an eye on him after this, so there's nothing more to be done anyway. And then days turn into weeks that Buck can't help but count. It's been so and so weeks since the last time that Eddie kissed him, this many since Buck last got to touch his ex.

There's anger that starts creeping in. At Emil the fucker for opening his big mouth, at Mr. Diaz for only caring about convention, at Eddie for not being stronger and standing up to his dad... and then there's the anger Buck has for himself, for failing to hold on to the one good thing he had. If only he cared a bit less, walked away when Eddie was being slighted, if he hadn't thrown that punch and destroyed their relationship with it. Buck has no option of making it better. Every plan he tries to come up with, he can see exactly how it wouldn't work or make things even worse, push Eddie further away from him.

Then waiting doesn't work anymore, not after Buck sees Eddie talking to one of the senior girls. It turns out, her name is Shannon. Pretty, just like her. Everyone he's heard talking about her agrees she's smart, nice and all around great. And Buck could punch a wall or even a locker, anything to make his fists bleed, to trade the pain he can't heal with something that can be easily bandaged. So even though a fight is how this all went wrong, soon enough Buck finds himself in one altercation after another, usually with some annoying jock, never when Eddie's around. He doesn't want to put his ex boyfriend in that position. He ends up in the principal's office quite often and it gets so bad, so quickly that even his detached parents are becoming concerned. He's getting a problematic reputation and they're all warned that if Buck keeps at this, he'll get a serious suspension. His parents don't like that, they don't take kindly to threats and so they decide to pull him out of that high school and enroll him in another one. His dad has had another job offer open up that would take them out of Texas, they inform him and Maddie over supper one evening. Maybe Buck's troubles at school are a sign they should move again. It's not a big deal for the family, right? They're all used to it. And Buck thinks that, by this point, that's weirdly a relief. Anything is better than seeing his ex boyfriend moving on from him.

* * *

How do people come back from there, from the brink, from that place where they had already lost what mattered the most to them? How do they move on to acceptance, that this is what life is going to be like - a mundane routine of partly covering up and partly ignoring or tiptoeing around the giant hole that lays invisible right in the middle of their existence?

Buck is pretty slow at it. He stops using his fists after Texas and moves on to a fake cocky attitude that gets him meaningless sex, a lot of it. Especially after Maddie meets Doug, marries and leaves with him, severing communications with her family. Even after his parents stop moving him around, he keeps doing that himself, a nomad who rolls from one place to the next, from one job to another. The emo look is stored deep in a box in his closet. It's not too beneficial for a wanderer's life.

He somehow ends up at Navy SEALs training and, to no one's surprise, he drops out. Well, if there had been anyone who knew him well enough at this point to expect it, at least. He supposes it's better off this way. It saves him the trouble of convincing someone else that this one is different, because this failure had actually reminded him of what he used to want to do. Help others. Pour his caring into his job and be a badass while he does it. SEALs training brought him to California anyway and he still remembers that L.A has a good firefighting academy. On a morning when he feels a bit less worthless than usual, he applies.

When he starts his training, it fits him like a second skin and he breezes right through it. He's a natural at this and he's certain of it. He starts feeling damn proud of himself over this decision and together with his cocksure attitude when it comes to sex, he can fool most people when it comes to his insecurities. It's not hard, most people don't bother looking too deeply into such things, so he breezes through that, too.

The 118 changes things for him, though. "I think I may be in the right place," he tells his new Captain as he joins the team at the station's dining table for the first time. It's a bumpy road, but they become his family and he's safe enough with them to be a bit more vulnerable, to drop the cocky act. To share a nugget of information about his past here or there. To accept their advice and change, dare to enter a serious relationship with Abby, the first adult one of his life, which gives him hope... right until he gets left again.

He finds himself in a familiar place, once more waiting for a partner to return to him. She has to, he's scared of thinking how broken he may get if she doesn't. How much bigger and more present the hole that has taken up residence at the very center of his life would be. He distracts himself with whatever he can while he waits, like by building up his own excitement over the LAFD hot firefighters calendar. He's talking to his team enthusiastically about it when Chim calls everyone's attention to some guy behind Buck, and everyone stops and stares at whoever the hell this is.

Buck turns around and his brain refuses to catch up to reality. Because it can't possibly be real.

Eddie, right there, in the flesh. Quite literally, as he's half naked, putting his shirt on and, oh God, he's every bit as gorgeous as he was back in high school, only somehow the little touches of maturity that have settled into his features make him even hotter. And that is definitely not what Buck is supposed to be thinking when he watches the man who broke his heart, but Eddie's attractiveness is undeniable and there's a rush of love, pain and longing that it gives rise to, which no one would be able to fight back. Least of all Buck. He feels as if he's seventeen again, standing across the school yard from the guy he loves, wanting to and unable to cross the distance between them.

Bobby, Chim and Hen all chatter excitedly about how great Eddie looks and is. Just like that Buck learns that, yes, his ex did go into the army and even won a Silver Star medal for his dad's decision. Fear suddenly grips Buck. No one wins a medal unless something has gone terribly wrong and a lot of lives have been in an extremely dangerous situation, including the medal recipient's. The thought of Eddie at such a great risk is one Buck hasn't realized he has been repressing until this very moment and how fucked up is it that he's scared for his ex boyfriend's life after the man is out of danger? But all he wants to do is wrap up Eddie protectively and make sure he's alright and safe, always.

All this time, all of that slow, painful progress, moving away from how much Buck has been missing him and it's all meaningless when the moment of truth arrives.

So Buck doesn't move from the spot where he's standing. He lets his team pass him by as they go in to greet their newest member and he's unable to look away from the sight that unfolds before him. Eddie's smiling at them, adorable as ever when he's clearly happy to be here. And after everything that Buck has been through since that day in their high school bathrooms, that still counts. It matters so much that it weirdly makes him ache as much as it makes him happy. How can he not want precisely this for someone who, even from afar, even from across the country and too many years that have gone by without contact, means so much to him?

Just then, Hen gestures in Buck's direction and Eddie's gaze shifts to him. For a brief second, they're both frozen in place, taking each other in. Maybe they're conversing with their eyes, but if they are, what the hell are they saying? Do they have any clue how to read each other anymore? They used to, but so many things have changed since then...

Buck should do something, he should come over, he should... he's got no idea what he should do, if he's honest, though anything is probably better than his current paralysis. Eddie, in contrast, seems to have snapped out of it already. He turns to his new Captain and exchanges a few words with him, nods and looks again in Buck's direction. Then he's coming over.

"Hi," he says with a soft, shy smile. He has no right to be this beautiful or so close. Buck desperately wants to touch his cheek, to see what would be different and what would be similar in how that man would feel under his fingers. "I... I'm sure you're still angry with me, but..."

"I'm not angry," he's surprised himself when he says it, but it's true. He hadn't considered that in years, but his life experience brought him an understanding he didn't define until now of just how young and vulnerable they truly were back then. How little they really had in order to combat an environment that didn't want to see them together, when it cared about them at all. "I'm not, so if you're thinking of apologizing for anything, don't. I'm not going to, either. We were just kids, weren't we? There wasn't a lot that we could have done differently," he grimaces. It's all true and hurts all the same, but Eddie's got an expression of gratitude and agreement on. Maybe they're in the same place. "I'm just..." he trails off. What is he, exactly?

"I'm happy to see you."

Buck rolls his eyes. "I'm shocked you can even recognize me without the emo outfit."

Eddie raises his hand and lightly brushes over the birthmark that's above Buck's eye. "Always," he states simply and the touch is barely there, yet still so much. "Not to be harsh on your old style, but I do like that you're showing off your muscles now," he adds with a glint in his eye. He's one to talk, Buck thinks as his mouth runs dry, the image of his ex shirtless incredibly vivid in his mind.

He nods, lacking for anything else to say. "We should probably..." he trails off.

Eddie purses his lips. "Yeah, probably. Everyone's waiting. But hey, you should come over some night, I'd love for you to meet Christopher."

"Christopher?"

"My son," Eddie pulls out his mobile, brings up the lock screen picture and passes it on to Buck. There's an adorable boy in the photograph, with soft curls like Eddie's when his hair is a bit longer, though in a much brighter shade, glasses and the biggest smile Buck had ever seen on any child's face.

"I love kids!" he blurts out, because he truly does. And this is Eddie's son. So in a weird way, even just looking at him and tracing his dad's face in his features, Buck thinks he may love this one already.

"Yeah, the best thing to come out of my marriage to Shannon," there's a light shining out of Eddie's face and anything that was left of Buck's heart is crumpling up in his chest. Did he really allow himself to hope? How, how did he set up this trap for himself and then proceeded to walk right into it, so fast and blindly? He should have known better. He does, actually. He simply ignored his brain because his heart was suddenly vibrating with a pure note, like when a guitar has been played without tuning for far too long, but then its cords are finally set right and it gets to make the sound it was always meant to.

"I'm sure she's really proud, too." That's not the first thought on his mind, but it's honest.

Eddie sighs. "She is, but..." his eyes wander around a bit, like he's looking at what he's about to recount, "Christopher was born with cerebral palsy and I was in Afghanistan. Shannon really struggled on her own, trying to deal with it while I was away. Then when it got to be too much, she left. It happened a few years ago. We're in touch and she meets Chris on occasion while she's figuring stuff out for herself."

Buck doesn't have a good way of processing this information. That damn hope wants to raise its head again, but it's just caused him too much pain within one instant, he'd be damned if he let it do that to him again. "Being alone must have been too much, I guess," he settles for.

"Mmmm. But she actually left after I came back."

"After?" He frowns.

"Yeah," Eddie's gaze is cast down and his mouth is set in a determined line, "I wanted to make it right, but as it turns out, it's kind of hard to make a marriage work when you're still in love with your ex."

"You... What?"

"I've been asking around about you, wasn't getting very far until I contacted these guys who were already working on putting together a high school reunion. They had your contact info in L.A. I already decided to ignore my parents, turn to firefighting and move out of Texas and that just sealed the deal for where I was headed out of my options. Don't tell Bobby, though. I think he's really psyched he managed to steal me from under station six."

Buck starts to say something, but it gets stuck in his throat. What finally comes out is, "That's a really stupid ass thing to do, you moron. You moved your entire life here for me? People don't do shit like that for other people! What if I'm not single?"

Eddie looks somber at that. His reply is quieter, but steady. "I do that. You're not just ‘other people,' Buck. And if you're not..." he shrugs sadly, "I get it. I didn't expect you to wait around for me. But I'm still here to be your friend. I want you in my life, one way or another. Nothing's been the same without you, when I can't share it with you. We can do that as friends, too. And..." he hesitates for a second, "I'd wait for you, if at any point you decided that you did want more. I think maybe... I already have been."

And this right here is why Edmundo Diaz has always been the closest thing to perfect that Buck has ever encountered. If it hadn't been so long, if they weren't still at the station, at the start of a shift, he probably would be kissing Eddie right now. Instead, he says, "So, that invitation to come over...?"

Eddie's face brightens up immediately and his smile is positively blinding. "Whenever you want. Chris is so excited to meet you!"

"He's heard about me?"

"Why wouldn't he hear about the best person his dad knows?" And that fucking brilliant smile is focused on Buck, depriving him of standing any chance. "He's even seen pictures of you. Well, high school you."

"What?"

"I kept a few around, stashed in my high school yearbook. Would you like to see them?"

"Maybe. But I also reserve the right to burn them down if I feel like it."

"Huh, you'll have to fight me."

"What, you think I can't take you?"

And just like that, they're grinning at each other like a couple of lunatics, slipping back into their element as if no time had passed at all. 

Eddie tilts his head at the rest of their team. "We really should..." Oh, yeah, they do. 

Buck nods, but first he touches the back of his hand to Eddie's, crowds his space a little bit, letting the warmth of him sink in. It's not a kiss, but it expresses a lot of the same things, paired with the quiet anticipation of seeing what's in store for them as they try to pick things back up where they were forced to leave them off. 

Just that morning, the hole in Buck's life was as palpable as a fist to his stomach and now, unexpectedly, he learned that for months, Eddie has been working to return to his life. He can sense the edges of the hole, no longer cutting, even retreating a little, like a promise that soon, it could be gone. Buck wants to feel their lips pressed together again, wants to meet Christopher, wants to love Eddie with everything that he has. And somehow, all these broken dreams are possible, found just around the corner.

He can't wait.


End file.
